Hello 2014!

      Ahhh yes it is FINALLY 2014! Funny story, when I was a kid probably7-9 years old I would go to the restroom at Walmart ( when things were safe and there weren't too many weird people going around) and I would count up to see what year I would how old. I never thought I would end up being 26 this upcoming May in 2016. I thought Jesus would come by 2000. Of course He has other plans. Anyhow like I said I am about 26, Jeremy and I will celebrate 6 years of marriage, we have 2 beautiful daughters who will have 2 milestone birthdays, 1 and 5, and Jeremy starts a new job in a career that is a dream to him. With 2014 beginning and as I reflected on 2013 and what I wanted to try different in 2014 ( not really resolutions because I cn never keep them) I felt like I heard God tell me a few things he wanted to to do in me.

     Yesterday I was talking with a friend (well texting because we both were putting our kiddos to bed) and we were both talking about the particular seasons we were going through or coming out of. I told her I felt like I was finally coming out of my wilderness season. A season where I felt so alone and like nothing was going for me. I mean I tried notto take my job, house, or family for granted but I felt like I was stuck. Nothing was really making me happy. I constantly complained about things and never satisfied. When we moved back to Bryan from Dallas we thought we would have the same friends with their arms wide open for us and we come back to friends that have moved on or away and no longer had the "time" they had for us when we came to visit. This past year we have gone throught he transition of trying to find a church where we could grow in our walk with Jesus as a family, couple, and individuals. I was not reading my Bible or praying at all. Side Note: I heard Francis Chan speak on this and he said peole say " I'm not where I want to be  reading my Bible and praying, and his response was " no stop, you're just lazy." I was not where I wanted to be because I wasn't putting the effort. That was like salt on a wound for me. My Bible is always there and I can always pray but I found other things to occupy that time like, the kids, the tv, my phone and never took time for those 2 very important things for my life. I went for a walk one afternoon while the girls were occupied and Jeremy was able to watch them, and I just prayed. I prayed because I felt alone. I felt like the things closest to me were being removed from my life and it was hurting. I was hurt and alone and no one could comfort me except the Great Comforter. So I prayed and cried and said "Lord what do you want from me?" "Why I am I feeling this way, if i am always telling our oldest You are always there for us?"

     That's when I felt him say, "how's your faith with me?".  I said Lord I believe you take care of us and I know you are always there for us. and I felt him say, " but do you really believe it? Do you believe me?" WHOA talk about a slap in the face. I then read a part of Beth Moore's book Believing God, and she said the same thing! So I felt like it was confirmation. God wants to increase my faith this 2014. I can't say we have been on the mountain top much these days and alot of our time we spend it in the valley and I usually get real sad, depressed because of our circumstances but this 2014 I have decided to increase my faith. I want to really believe Jesus when he says he has blessings for me. When he says he will protect, provide, and be our ever present help in time of need, I want and will believe that for my life and the lives of my family.
 
     THe other night I was telling Jeremy, "I really feel like God is romancing me." I felt this way when I was at Bible School in Dallas. But there it was because I was in a bubble where we sang about his love, prayed about his love, experienced his love and learned about his love24/7. It was a bubble. Now that I am out of the bubble and I am expereriencing it on my own in such a vulnerable time in my life it feels so sweet to be pursued by my one and only and to want to pursue him back. I tuned in to the OneThing conference in December and Francis Chan ended his sermon with a statement that wrecked a lot of people, because they rushed the stage falling to their knees, and he said, " Strengthen what remains and is about to die." Can you say MIND BLOWN! That was me to a T. My spirtual life was to a point of dying and his challenge was to strengthen it before it died! WOW

    Thank you Jesus for that huge realization and helping me understand that he is WAY bigger then I ever imagined. He has been showing me in little ways (that are huge to me) how he remains faithful to always to provide for my family. Even the requests that go unspoken and that are in my heart he has fulfilled. Writing that made me tear up a little bit. He knows my hearts desires. My lover and friend.

     Well that's really wanted to share. Not to boast in anything but God's goodness towards me. If anything this is being written so I don't ever forget his faithfulness and goodness to me.

Much love,

 

desi