Life....

The past couple of weeks have have been so rough on me. I don't think I have felt this kind of heaviness in such a long time. I think it happens for a lot of reasons. Life is the biggest component. I get so busy doing life trying to keep on with the Jones' and I forget my family is Alderete and that is all that matters. I have been so overwhelmed lately. A lot of big things are happening in the Alderete family. We are planning to move back to the Dallas area for my husbands job. We are then going to have to look for a house to live in for the 5 of us. Yep you read that right we are adding a third little one to our clan. We are having a BOY. So we are moving , finding a new school and having a new baby. All that in conjunction of just trying to live life being a good parent and wife, employee , friend, human being to the world. Life gets hard. I hit my bottom last night feeling like I couldn't do anything else for myself or my family. I am so grateful to have a God loving husband though that prays and listens to God. Having him pray for me last night was the best thing that happened in such a long time. It was something I did not feel I deserved from him. I had treated him so badly these past weeks that I thought the last thing he wanted to do was hold me and pray over me and repeatedly say "Desi I love you" It was like having the arms of the Father around me telling me the same. I get tears just typing that. The arms of the the Father are so precious and I am not sure why so many people run from them when they are in need or trouble or distraught. The arms of the father are what have kept me from doing things that have crossed my mind because of the ugly devil putting dumb thoughts in my head. I have never felt depressed or felt like I Was ever depressed but I had such a heaviness of depression over me these past 2 weeks that caused me to be angry and hurtful to my family. It hurt so bad knowing I was hurting myself but also hurting the people I loved the most. Sure I Was good at going through the motions at church raising my hands but those hands were hands of desperation of Jesus come help me before I can't be helped anymore. But God........ He knew exactly what I needed, when I needed it. Such a sweet Father knowing me to my core. I wouldn't be here today without Him. Life happens. Good and bad things happen. How we react to them is a reflection of our relationship with our Father. There is a song by Casting Crowns called Held and there is a line in it that always blows my mind. It says " When your eyes are on the storm you wonder if I love you still, When your eyes are on the cross you know I always have and I always will."  Amen! Thank you Jesus. Dear reader know whatever you are going through big or small that God's got you. You aren't alone in this thing called life even if you feel like it. He's always near. Rest in His presence.


Love you,
Desi XO

The Mom Life.... got the best of me

You see those shirts for sale that say "I didn't choose the thug life the thug life chose me" Or "mom life the best life" and you get the picture. The mom life. It's different for everyone because well kids are all different. Even our own kids differ from each other and creates a unique enviroment for everyone. Society has pushed so many pictures and DIYs and outings that moms should do that it just creates more stress for us moms. For instance, this year my girls are older now they can choose what they want, more or less. In the past years for holidays at daycare I have always done homemade gifts for every student and every teacher. This year we went the night before and grabbed cards and a gift for just their specific teacher. The next day I felt bad. I felt like I had failed because society pushes on us to do cute juices that say " You're my main squeeze" and getting cuties saying " you are such a cutie". I couldn't even get the right size of plates for my daughters party. IT is what it is though. I let the pressures of this world bog me down where I began to doubt my ability to be a mom and a wife. And the reality of it all Mom Life got me. The good news is God is bigger. He knew what he was doing when he made me a momma at 21. The age that many feel that life begins and they can be free I was delivering a baby kissing my singlehood of just my husband and I goodbye. But that has been the best kiss ever. Being a momma of 2 beautiful girls and 1 naval orange my life means so  much. Sure I wipe bottoms, makes lunches, cook dinners, do laundry most of my time these beings depend on me. That is what makes Mom Life worth it. The beings we have to take care of. So this post might not mean anything to anyone but it was a nice reminder that i am not doing any of this for me. I am doing this for those that depend on me. That make it worth it. And the Once that created those that are worth it is the One that is going to give me strength from day to day to make it. Even if we have to fake it til we make it, we will get through this!


much love
desi

Hi Old Friend

Well I believe it has been a couple years since I last posted on my blog. I always mean to get on but I forget to .... you know life happens. So in the past couple years we have a 6 year old who started Kindergarten! She's totally crushing it too! And we have an almost 3 year old who is a FIRECRACKER but so fun and loving at the same time. I am still working the education world and the hubs is working as a tech for a local cable company. Life is sailing right now. We all know there are always waves though and you can't get too comfortable sailing. With that said we have some changes coming this year. We are not ready to announce because right now we are making sure we are listening to what Jesus is telling us to do. There is a lot of fear in the unknown but I have learned in the past that that really there is no point in freaking out about it because if it is meant to be Jesus makes everything fall into place. So I guess this was a quick reminder just for me ... God is always in control just trust Him.

My God is Able

Well my post about a month ago was about my huband losing his job. I thought I would write to update you where we were in this journey. In the span of a month we have felt the prayers of many towards our family. I would be lying to you if I said that  I didn't get discouraged throughout this time. There was about 3 strong weeks that I had until the enemy caught me in my weakness and I began to feel real discouraged about the whole situation and wondering where God was in the situation. I didn't want to be "mad" at God but I was a little. We were finally coming to a point where we had money saved and had money in our checking and we were going to be ok then it's just ripped from under us. I was mad. I loved Jesus more to let that get in my way though and I had to just let it out and I felt like Jesus said, " ok now that you got that out of the way do you feel better?" and I did. I felt like I told Him how I felt and now he was going to tell me what he was going to do. And his plan was to take care of me. Simple as that. no fancy things, no lottery winnings , nothing just, " Let me take care of you." and thats exactly what he has done.

The old me ( I say old me because I feel like I have changed and I have made it a point to change this new year and increasing my faith for things and in Jesus) would totally have been freaking out this whole time and not just the past week. This situation has also helped me be more open with people. Before I would have kept this to myself and pretended everything was ok. Recently I had confided in a few people and I have been able to count on others to encourage me.

To end this I would like to let you know that Jeremy did find a job and is so excited! Jesus worked out every detail and opened doors that were once shut and it has worked out because it was His timing NOT ours. Jesus has surely been our provider through the darkness and on the mountian and we are our grateful.

much love,

 

desi 

I'll Trust You Lord

      So are times in your life when you feel like you're on the top of the mountain. Then there are times that you feel so dark in the valley and nothing seems to feel like it will get better. But can you be on the mountain and still feel like you're in the valley? Sure its about perspective. I think that when you're on the monutain you get a better sense of how close God really is to your situation. You see the bigger picture and realize the the valley isn't really a valley at all but a state of mind.

     The new year started and in my last post I wrote about how much God was telling me to "believe Him" not just "in him." Believe his promises are "yes and amen" not " Ok God we will see how you pull this one off". I wanted to believe that second one today. I wanted to start to worry today about our family situation. We felt like the stool was knocked out from under us and we were holding on to a thread hoping we wouldn't fall and the stool would just stand up again. It's not happening though. And it was easy for me to just start saying "I can't believe this happened"and start complaing with friends. But then I felt God say don't you trust me? Being a believer it's easy to say " yes Lord  I trust you." but its easier said then done. No one really reads so I am going to just write it out theat way I can really write the way I want to. Jeremy lost his dream job today. There was a policy he was unaware of and because of that policy he cannot work ther anymore. He did nothing wrong but because of the strict policy they had to let him go. When I heard my mind starts racing towards our finances and we arent always smart with them. We definitely could not make it on my check alone so hearing the news my heart starts to grow anxious. but then I start to think, " don't you trust Jesus?Havent you always said desi that its ok if were not on the mountain because God is still God and even though in the valley you can feel like your on the mountain?"

      That's when it hit me. I didnt really trust Jesus like I said I did. It stung when I came to that realization. Immediately I started looking for jobs for Jeremy and nothing seemed right. and talking to someone they said just because he's losing this job doesn't mean that there isnt something bigger for him. Yes this was his dream job but that just it. That was his maybe not God's dream job for him. And we have to just trust that there is somethin bigger for him and it's coming and until then I am just going to continue to speak God's praises on my lips and speak of his greatness. No matter the circumstance and the Lord's joy will always be my strength. because it takes WAY more energy to mope and be sadeven though its easier but I know who my God is and I know that he is always on my side. Until then I am believing him for my family. I ask that yall do the same. Whoever reads this.

much love,

 

desi

Hello 2014!

      Ahhh yes it is FINALLY 2014! Funny story, when I was a kid probably7-9 years old I would go to the restroom at Walmart ( when things were safe and there weren't too many weird people going around) and I would count up to see what year I would how old. I never thought I would end up being 26 this upcoming May in 2016. I thought Jesus would come by 2000. Of course He has other plans. Anyhow like I said I am about 26, Jeremy and I will celebrate 6 years of marriage, we have 2 beautiful daughters who will have 2 milestone birthdays, 1 and 5, and Jeremy starts a new job in a career that is a dream to him. With 2014 beginning and as I reflected on 2013 and what I wanted to try different in 2014 ( not really resolutions because I cn never keep them) I felt like I heard God tell me a few things he wanted to to do in me.

     Yesterday I was talking with a friend (well texting because we both were putting our kiddos to bed) and we were both talking about the particular seasons we were going through or coming out of. I told her I felt like I was finally coming out of my wilderness season. A season where I felt so alone and like nothing was going for me. I mean I tried notto take my job, house, or family for granted but I felt like I was stuck. Nothing was really making me happy. I constantly complained about things and never satisfied. When we moved back to Bryan from Dallas we thought we would have the same friends with their arms wide open for us and we come back to friends that have moved on or away and no longer had the "time" they had for us when we came to visit. This past year we have gone throught he transition of trying to find a church where we could grow in our walk with Jesus as a family, couple, and individuals. I was not reading my Bible or praying at all. Side Note: I heard Francis Chan speak on this and he said peole say " I'm not where I want to be  reading my Bible and praying, and his response was " no stop, you're just lazy." I was not where I wanted to be because I wasn't putting the effort. That was like salt on a wound for me. My Bible is always there and I can always pray but I found other things to occupy that time like, the kids, the tv, my phone and never took time for those 2 very important things for my life. I went for a walk one afternoon while the girls were occupied and Jeremy was able to watch them, and I just prayed. I prayed because I felt alone. I felt like the things closest to me were being removed from my life and it was hurting. I was hurt and alone and no one could comfort me except the Great Comforter. So I prayed and cried and said "Lord what do you want from me?" "Why I am I feeling this way, if i am always telling our oldest You are always there for us?"

     That's when I felt him say, "how's your faith with me?".  I said Lord I believe you take care of us and I know you are always there for us. and I felt him say, " but do you really believe it? Do you believe me?" WHOA talk about a slap in the face. I then read a part of Beth Moore's book Believing God, and she said the same thing! So I felt like it was confirmation. God wants to increase my faith this 2014. I can't say we have been on the mountain top much these days and alot of our time we spend it in the valley and I usually get real sad, depressed because of our circumstances but this 2014 I have decided to increase my faith. I want to really believe Jesus when he says he has blessings for me. When he says he will protect, provide, and be our ever present help in time of need, I want and will believe that for my life and the lives of my family.
 
     THe other night I was telling Jeremy, "I really feel like God is romancing me." I felt this way when I was at Bible School in Dallas. But there it was because I was in a bubble where we sang about his love, prayed about his love, experienced his love and learned about his love24/7. It was a bubble. Now that I am out of the bubble and I am expereriencing it on my own in such a vulnerable time in my life it feels so sweet to be pursued by my one and only and to want to pursue him back. I tuned in to the OneThing conference in December and Francis Chan ended his sermon with a statement that wrecked a lot of people, because they rushed the stage falling to their knees, and he said, " Strengthen what remains and is about to die." Can you say MIND BLOWN! That was me to a T. My spirtual life was to a point of dying and his challenge was to strengthen it before it died! WOW

    Thank you Jesus for that huge realization and helping me understand that he is WAY bigger then I ever imagined. He has been showing me in little ways (that are huge to me) how he remains faithful to always to provide for my family. Even the requests that go unspoken and that are in my heart he has fulfilled. Writing that made me tear up a little bit. He knows my hearts desires. My lover and friend.

     Well that's really wanted to share. Not to boast in anything but God's goodness towards me. If anything this is being written so I don't ever forget his faithfulness and goodness to me.

Much love,

 

desi

Lord Teach Me

I always thought I was a pretty humble person, meek and all. I guess when that's when you have to check yourself because you're probably none of that. My heart has always longed for my generation and the one behind me. I has always wanted to be able to get troubled teens off the street, help them get on their feet. When I met Jeremy and we started dating we would talk about what we felt we were suppose to do in the ministry. And lucky us we had the same vision. We wanted to have a place teens could come and hang out and be in a safe atmosphere We wanted to call it "Impact Now". Jeremy was already attending a ministry called SOS : Save Our Streets Ministries. They take the word to the streets and people' from all walks of life come together from Doctors, teachers, businessmen, former drug dealers, and ones still searching for the one we already call upon Jesus. When we moved back from Dallas, after attending Christ for the Nations, we started attending SOS. I began working at a charter school that was located in the SOS building. I began to see first hand the community that surrounded our school in a different light. I saw that they weren't just people wanting handouts but people wanting to know how to get back on their feet, how to function in society, and how to call on the one that we already did, Jesus. Oh the name of Jesus , as much as I wanted to rant off on this post I was lead to write about how people are seeking the one we already call upon and how despite the feelings I have about things no matter what I do people are still searching for Jesus and I can help somewhere even if its not exactly what I wanted to do. Jesus has a way of putting us in the right place at the right time and all He asks is that we become available to him. Sometimes we don't want to do what he asks and if we don't do it he will find someone who will and we lose that opportunity to be used by him. I don't ever want to miss an opportunity to be used by Him. I am not perfect, by all means I am SO FAR from it. I still have issues that I need to work out daily and Im learning daily that my mouth can hurt so many if I am not careful. I am learning that I need Jesus so much more then I thought and I want my daughters to see Him in me and want more of Him because of me. I don't Yesterday I wasn't feeling well and I asked my oldest daughter to pray for me. What she did next blew me out of the water, she said " Mommy give me your hand and close your eyes. She prayed Dear Lord thank you for healing my mommy. thank you that her tummy wont hurt anymore and she will feel better so we can go to SOS. Thank you that she wont be afraid anymore and if she pukes she can use my blankie. I love you Jesus, your name AMEN." Talk about feeling better instantly. To have a faith of a child and to believe that because we are praying to Jesus about it He already did what we asked for it is fulfilled is AWESOME!